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thisiht

(this shit)
a little bit of coffee with your morning meds

I hope he didn't tell the insurance company that.

11.23.2009
The mechanic says that the power steering is totally shot and that I need a new bumper. Oddly, though, he thinks that the power steering had no relation to the accident. Now please, tell me, what kind of shit-ass luck do I have that my power steering would go LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES after I get in a car accident and probably total my car? Bumpers are expensive, you know, and the Focus is worth all of $2000.

Oh well.

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Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the driver's seat...

11.18.2009
I've had a history with cars. A lot of bad, bad history. There was my first car, which was done in by an uninsured ex-con, my second car, which was nearly totaled two weeks after I bought it**, and my third car, the current car, which has had more problems than one could conceivably process without four Ativan and a tour guide. But my antidepressants must be working, because in recent weeks I've been referring to my car in complimentary terms rather than cursing it as "the car whose transmission blew at 18,000 miles" or "that piece of shit I sued Ford over". I've been relaxed. Complacent. Just the kind of calm you get before the full force of the storm hits you right in the back of the knees.

Despite all my automotive travails and headaches, I've never been in an accident that was my own fault. Never, ever, until today.

So I blew a red light (not on purpose) and hit this guy. Total t-bone, he'll probably need a new rear door and side panel. My car looked fine for all intents and purposes, so after we exchanged information I was like, well, ok, let's hit the road. I'd made it about a quarter of a mile when something under the hood started making an unpromising sound. I pulled over, turned it off, turned it on again, and something fell apart inside the engine. Plus I could no longer move the steering wheel.

So I called AAA. My dad literally bought the membership for me this past weekend, and I actually caught myself thinking "Hey, what a great coincidence!". Plus two for my meds. AAA was nice, said they'd be over shortly. It was 2pm. I checked my email, went on Facebook, posted this picture:

My view, for 2 hours

and then my phone rang. It was 2:45. It was a recorded message saying that my tow guy was delayed, and apologizing for the inconvenience.

The sun dipped low in the sky. My car got cold, and I exchanged some texts with my director. It was 3:15, it was 3:45.

It was 4. My tow guy was smoking a cigarette in the parking lot next to my car. "Are you the tow guy?" I asked. "Yup", he replied, and proceeded to hook up the Focus. As he was kneeing the car backwards something snapped and broke near the passenger side tire, part of the wheel well or something, and I unceremoniously ripped whatever it was off and threw it in the backseat. Somehow I'd also managed to step on and break my glasses. Just an aside.

4:15, car hooked on, we headed out on the pike. The day had gotten so ridiculous that I just honestly had to laugh about it, and we had a fine time together until he drove past the Tobin bridge. "Where would you get off to go to the mechanic?" he asked. "Um, back there", I said, gesturing over my shoulder. I mean, he had a Tom Tom on his dashboard, I thought HE was the navigator! We promptly hit rush hour, and uncomfortable silence ensued.

We didn't get to the mechanic until 5:00, at which point they were closed. Apparently also, the mechanic didn't have have a key drop. Right around then, I really started to lose it. I left some fucked up, garbled message on the mechanic's answering machine, shoved my keys underneath the bay door, had my credit card rejected (REJECTED!) by the tow company, and tearfully began my walk home. "Why walk?" You might ask. "Why didn't you have your husband pick you up?" Well, my husband's away, in fact, and there was nobody else to pick me up and give me a ride home.

In all honesty, it was only a 20 minute walk. But I felt bad about it anyway.

I stopped by CVS to pick up my prescriptions en route back to the apartment, though, and picked up my refill of Effexor and my first ever Ritalin scrip. So a day of firsts, I suppose. And, for my car, also possibly a day of lasts. Only the insurance adjuster can tell.



**Have I really never posted about that? WEIRD.

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Lesson learned: next time, wear socks.

11.17.2009
So yesterday I was farting around online, looking for people to IM and compulsively checking Facebook, when my baby sister Molly

molly
(Molly)

posted something about watching the meteor shower out by Castle Island. Now, I'm not a person who gets really into astronomy (or anything, for that matter, but let's put depressive malaise to one side and continue on with the story), but the prospect of being somewhere weird at some bizarre hour of the night was incredibly tantalizing to me. I brewed a pot of coffee, grabbed a bottle of wine, and headed over to meet her in Dorchester. I wore a tank top, a sweater, and my heaviest furry sweatshirt hoodie. I also wore leggings underneath my jeans for extra warmth.

What am I missing here ? Anyone? (Hint: look at the title of this post!)

SOCKS.

I made the conscious decision to do this mystery midnight seaside walk WITHOUT SOCKS. I mean, it wasn't like I forgot about them or anything, I literally thought about it and was like, "NAH, WHO NEEDS EM. I GOT MY LEGGINGS." Let me tell you, that was a dumb, dumb move.

As it turned out, we all (myself, Molly, and her two roommates) (who have an awesome band) underestimated not only the cold but also the windchill. Halfway out to the dock we were all shivering, and we spent more time trying to hide from the wind than we did looking at the sky. Like, who'd have thought, there's a fucking BREEZE out here in THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. Lighting a cigarette was an exercise in futility, and the cold had penetrated all my layers. After five minutes, I could no longer feel my little toes. After 20 minutes, I could no longer feel my feet. I lay down on the asphalt and thought about frostbite and that really cold day in North Dakota and I watched some meteors fall across the sky and we all laughed and laughed, and then I thought: this is definitely the best time I've had in a long time. Despite the feet thing.

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One-woman revolution

11.10.2009
I hate GPS the way some people hate paperboys. You know what I'm talking about; that little white envelope, the hope for a tip, a reminder that you're a horrible person because you'll never - EVER - tip the paperboy. GPS is like that. It brings up your insecurities in this mindfuck backdoor fashion, all sweet on the outside but rotten at the core.

It started in Fargo, when the crew decided to travel with one. Her name was Karen, she had an Austrailian accent, and I hated her. I mean, Fargo is not a complicated city to learn - it's basically a big grid, no one-ways - so I found their reliance on her not only pathetic but also personally insulting. I consider myself a good navigator, and it bothered me to have my position usurped by a satellite-driven voicebox. The kicker came when they enlisted her for directions to the restaurant we'd go to almost every night. Literally, from our hotel it was right left right go over the highway destination on left. COME ON. I do miss my job very much, but Karen... that bitch can go screw.

Happily now, Katsu and I have a GPS of our very own! In the Smart Car! Hooray! She doesn't have a name yet, but my husband is at least as reliant on her as DSP was on Karen, and I am similarly afflicted with arrogance and misplaced rage. I feel that the GPS erodes one's ability to put things together for oneself, to make mental maps of one's surroundings, and that VOICE. Oh God. So bossy and annoying. I'll use my iPhone any day for help with directions, but I'd rather set myself on fire than turn to the GPS.

I know that this might be alarming to some people. I might lose some friends here. So many people have GPS - love GPS, that I often feel part of a distinct minority. But I maintain that our reliance on such toys will eventually cause humankind to lose our inborn senses of place and movement. Like the little toes, over time they will wither and die. Consider this, before you turn on your TomTom to get to the grocery store or your sister's apartment.

And seriously, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way about paperboys.

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